Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Birds and The Bees and a Three Year Old

It was just an ordinary weeknight in the Milner house. Rob cooked dinner, I nursed Sis while trying to simultaneously fold laundry, and Will took every single toy he owns out and scattered them throughout the house. Things were going like clockwork.

After I got Will's jammies on and read him a couple of books, I asked, as I always do, what story he would like for me to tell him tonight. You see, reading 2 books at bedtime just isn't enough for this kid. He expects an off the cuff story from a topic of his choosing each night. It's pretty amazing what random subjects he manages to dream up.

And then this happened.

Will: (Deep in thought) Hmmmmmm....tell me the story about......ummm....(light bulb goes off in 3 year old brain) how Sis got in your belly. (smiles, thoroughly satisfied with his choice)

Me: (Chokes on water) Really? You want to hear that story? What about the one about the DRAGON? (scary eyes and emphasis on "dragon" to promote my alternative story)

Will: No, I don't want the one about the dragon. Tell me the one about Sis in your belly.


Me: Well, one day, Mommy and Daddy talked for a really long time about what it would be like to have another baby. We wanted you to have a little brother or sister to play with and since we love each other very much, we decided that another baby would be awesome.

Will: (Puzzled) But how did she get in there?

Oh my gosh, this is not happening right now. Seriously, this story isn't suppose to come up for another few years at least, right!?

Me: Well, Daddy put her in there when she was very, very small.

Will: How?

What is this an interrogation!?!?

Me: Well, there's a special hug that mommies and daddies give to each other to make babies. (Thank you, Momversation!)

Will: Oh. (shakes his head seemingly satisfied)

Me: And Sis was just this big (holds thumb and forefinger together closely for visual) when she went in Mommy's belly. She was so little, she didn't have eyes or ears or even arms and legs yet. She lived in Mommy's belly in a little sac filled with warm water. She just floated around in there, and as time went on, she grew and grew. When Mommy ate, some of my food went to feed her and help her get bigger. She got bigger and bigger until she was ready to come out of Mommy's belly and meet us. Then Mommy went to the hospital and she came out.

Will: How did she get outta there?

AGH, not this part!

Me: Well.....she came out of Mommy's privates.

Will: YOUR PRIVATES???? (falls back on the bed laughing hysterically) How did she get out of your privates? (still in stitches)

Me: There is an area on mommies' privates where babies come out of when they are ready to be born.

Will: (still giggling) I didn't come out of your privates. I came out of Daddy's.

Me: (joining Will's laughter) Uh, no Bud, you were in Mommy's belly too, you didn't live in Daddy's belly. Daddies can't have babies in their bellies, only mommies.

Will: (now serious and in deep thought) Oh. Well, that's not fair. (long thoughtful pause)........
Now, tell me the story about the DRAGON.

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. My first official bird and bees talk. I'm sure I have much more explaining to do in the future. Next time, I'll pour a glass of wine first.



  1. Sam and I are crying we are laughing so hard. "Special hug"--I'm filing that one away for later...

  2. That was awesome. We are having our second baby at the end of the summer, and the tough questions have come up with Moanna (turning 4 in June) a few times. When she asks, I turn around and ask her what she thinks. She thinks God put the baby in there (partially true), and that the baby will pop out when summer is almost over(partially true). She seems to be OK with these theories. Right now we're learning about breast feeding because that is really going to rock her world and it's something she is going to see daily.