Thursday, July 30, 2009

Wish List

Sometimes, life is such that all I can wish for is wisdom. This week has been one of those glowing examples. Now that Rob and I are not only responsible for ourselves, but for the lives of two other people, our choices weigh much more heavily than before. We can't make decisions without thinking through every possible scenario and exploring all the what-ifs. The choices we make now can and will effect the lives of our children potentially for years to come, and that is an enormous load to carry.

A few weeks ago, we started discussing the prospect of selling our home. We have a tiny, little house now that has been good to us for almost three years and has served it's purpose. But, we feel as though we have outgrown it, and that's even before we bring another person into the mix. Our third "bedroom" doesn't have a closet, so there is no storage space for the new baby. Our bathroom is so small, you can't fit two people in there comfortably. And we don't have much of a back yard where Will can go out and play. So, when we couple all of that with the fact that the house isn't even 1000 square feet, we decided that we should put it on the market, and spring for something bigger to accommodate our growing family. Sounds pretty simple, right? We thought so.

Shake some sense into me the next time I get excited and think that something is going to be easy. Things hardly ever are.

Earlier in the week, I thought I should call Will's daycare and find out how much extra we are going to have to pay for the new baby to attend. I knew they offered a sibling discount, but I wasn't expecting it to be so small. Little did I know, we are going to be paying double what we pay now to send both kids to daycare each month. After all is said and done, childcare is going to cost us half of my monthly income. This broke my heart for several reasons, the first being that there is nothing that I would love more than to be a stay at home mom to our kids. Financially, that is just not in the cards for us right now however. Also, the fact that our childcare costs are going to double pretty much squashes the dream of buying a bigger home right now. In theory, we could still afford it, but it would be a struggle. And you know what, I don't like to struggle. Especially with a toddler and a new baby in tow.

Needless to say, as a mom and a compulsive worrier, this has really clouded my head. I feel like I've been driving around in a thick fog this week, and I just can't quite see what is up ahead no matter how bright I turn my lights on. I'm waiting for it to clear. Waiting to have some clarity come in and make things evident. Until then, I'm tossing and turning at night wondering which direction all of this will take us. Such is life, I guess.


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Fifteen Weeks

The clock just keeps on ticking. I can't believe I'm already fifteen weeks along. This pregnancy is definitely going by much more quickly than my last. When you're watching a toddler grow up before your very eyes and chasing him all over the world, it seems to make time fly by like never before. When I was pregnant with Will, if I was tired and wanted to take a nap at any given time of the day, I could. If I wanted to just lay on the couch, eat Doritos and sour cream while watching Friends re-runs for two hours, no problem. If I had the urge to go to bed at 7 o'clock at night, see you in the morning. If I wanted to sleep in till 10 on the weekends, no one seemed to care. Needless to say, I don't have those options now, and while at times it's frustrating that I can't just lounge around on the couch with complete disregard for the world going on around me, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Will keeps me on my toes. Not to mention, life is just sweeter now that he's around. My new life as a mom is keeping me moving during this pregnancy and that's a good thing.

This week in the baby's development, I open the email to find that I've got an apple sized fetus moving around in there. This little tid bit would make Will extremely happy. The kid loves apples. If you ask him what he wants for breakfast...apples. What do you want for lunch? Apples. Dinner? Apples. What did you eat at school today? Apples. What should we name the baby? Apples. The kid is apple crazy. I can't wait to pick him up this afternoon and tell him I've got an apple in my belly. That will just tickle him to death.

And here is the email as to how the baby is growing. Disclaimer: Just because the good ol' pregnancy folks like to tease you and say that now an ultrasound could determine the sex of the baby, does not mean that the OB will do it now. My OB and most others, prefer to do it at 20 weeks, because the likelihood that they can determine the sex at that point is much higher since the baby is bigger. So, we've got a while to wait, folks. I don't think I'll be having my anatomy ultrasound until the first week of September.

Oh and lookie, they are back to referring to the baby as "she" this week. I'll crack this mystery one day.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Girl, Interrupted

I didn't post a wish list yesterday. It wasn't because I couldn't find the time, or had forgotten what day it was though. I seem to have been plagued by a new pregnancy symptom for the last few days and it has kind of taken me back. Are you ready for this one? The new symptom ...indifference. I have this whole, "I could care less" attitude all of a sudden. I was browsing the internet for my list and I just didn't care about any of it. Sure, there are a lot of terrific things out there that I would love to have. There are about a million products that are worthy of a Wednesday wish list, but I looked at them all yesterday and though, "Eh." I couldn't get excited about any of it. I couldn't muster the same enthusiasm that I normally do when putting my lists together. It was quite bizarre, but the indifference didn't even let it bother me. I just shrugged my shoulders and ate a cannoli instead.

I'm convinced that when one pregnancy symptom goes away, you get a stand in to replace it. So now, instead of feeling nauseated all the time, I have *GULP* lost my will to shop. Say it ain't so!! This is a symptom that I hope will fade very soon. I'm expecting it to be gone by next week when it's time to put Wednesday's list together. If not, I may need to talk to my Dr. about it and see what can be done. I can picture the conversation now...

Me: I had to come see you right away. I have this horrible new symptom that I need you to treat immediately.
OB: Sure. What's going on?
Me: I seem to have...(tears up and gathers strength to go on)... lost my desire to shop. (Buries face in hands and bawls uncontrollably)
OB: You're kidding, right?
Me: (Sniffling) No, I'm totally serious. Why?
OB: I've got babies to deliver. You might want to go back on your Prozac for a while.

On second thought, maybe I should hold off on calling the Dr. just yet. Hopefully this mysterious manifestation will just remedy itself and I can get back to shopping like a normal woman.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Fourteen Weeks

I have finally arrived. Today is the first official day of the second trimester, and all I can think is WHEW, and thank you, Jesus! The second trimester is known as the "honeymoon" trimester, because morning sickness and fatigue seem to dissipate for most women, and hormones start to cool a bit, so you don't cry every time the stupid Kleenex commercial comes on. Not only is this milestone a relief for those reasons, but also because the rate for miscarriage drops dramatically once you make it to the second trimester. Since I have suffered a miscarriage in the past, it's a fear of mine that it is going to happen again. So, reaching this day puts me at ease and makes me want to buy margaritas for everyone. Except myself, of course.

The email from the pregnancy folks for this week was just as I suspected. I now have a lemon sized baby in my belly. As you may recall, I was really hoping for the lemon last week and was thrown completely off with the news of a shrimp sized fetus. It was hard to take, but I've moved on. Here's the size of the little sour puss this week. Get it? Lemon...sour puss? I really crack myself up.

And here is the email from the pregnancy folks. Again this week, they refer to the baby as "he," and I thought for sure they would switch it back up this week and use "she." Those crazy pregnancy gurus like to keep you guessing though.

How Your Baby is Growing:
This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

I read this a couple of times trying to figure out what on Earth the baby could have to frown or grimace about in there. They have no bills to pay, no rush hour traffic to fight, no time card to punch. They're just swimming around all warm and cozy in a dark little haven. So, why the grimace? Then I remembered something very important. At this point in a pregnancy, the baby starts to urinate. That urine is passed into the amniotic fluid, which they later swallow. This process goes on until delivery. They pee, it goes into the amniotic fluid, they swallow it. Lather, rinse, repeat. So, in all my medical wisdom, I've determined that this is the sole explanation for why they feel the need to frown or grimace. Because I don't care how old you are or what kind of warm, dark haven you may be in, swallowing your own pee cannot be cool.

Oh happy day,

Friday, July 17, 2009

Q&A with Will

Driving home after picking Will up from "school" on Wednesday, I decided to do a little Q&A session with him. It went a little something like this...

Me: What did you have for lunch today?
Him: Apples in the morning
Me: I don't think you had apples today. Your sheet says chicken and noodles.
Him: Okay.

Me: Who is your favorite, Lightning McQueen or Thomas?
Him: Light-king McKing!

Me: What's your favorite color?
Him: Crayon

Me: Who is your favorite stuffed animal, Rabbit or Flip?
Him: Rabbit. I like Flip.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Him: I wanna go fast.

Me: What did you dream about last night?
Him: Gavin
Me: What were you doing with Gavin?
Him: Wrestling
(We have Tyrone to thank for that one.)

Me: Did you know Mommy has a baby in my belly?
Him: I got my baby in my belly too.
Me: Really? What's he doing in there?
Him: He's crying. He wants to get out.

Me: What are you going to do when Mommy's baby gets bigger and starts moving around and kicking inside Mommy's belly?
Him: I'm gonna kick em.
Me: No, we can't kick the baby, bud. We have to be nice to the baby.
Him: I'm gonna kick em.
Me: And so it begins.

Happy weekend,

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Wednesday Wish List

This work day has almost come to an end, which means I'm officially more than half way to the weekend. Glass half full, that's how I roll.

Today's wish list is bedding, because I really want new linens, but can't tear myself away from my old bedding. There is nothing that I love more than a plain, fluffy, white goose down comforter. Nothing. Except for my family and pajamas, of course, but that's beside the point. I LOVE goose down comforters with no cover whatsoever. There is something pure and soft and heavenly about them that just beckons me. And I've had one on my bed for a very long time now. At this point, my goose down is an old and dear friend that I can't say goodbye to. At the same time, I would love to have some fresh new bedding in our room, and when I see linens like the ones on my wish list today, I almost want to cover that white goose down up for a while and embrace the new. It might take some time though. And maybe even a bit of therapy.

Here are a few of my temptresses.

What is it about gray and yellow that looks so darn good together? It's one color combo that I just love, and I think you should love it too. Here is a Citron Duvet Set by Blissliving to convince you I'm right. Loving the large flower prints on this one too. Lovely!

Amy Butler recently started selling her new line of bedding at Bed Bath and Beyond. I love all the vibrant colors and the fact that her collection is made from 100% organic cotton, which convinces me it would be super soft and comfy. For me, that's what bedding is suppose to be all about. I had a hard time choosing a favorite from her new line, but when I saw this design and beautiful teal color on her Coventry Comforter set, I was hooked.

I love the soft look of this Amelie Blush Duvet and way the colors fade from one delicate shade to the next. The large tree graphics and beautiful coordinating pillows are just an added bonus in this set. For me, the colors are the star here.

DwellStudio really knows what they are doing when it comes to bedding and this Hedgerow Saffron Duvet set is no exception. I love the bold plant life design and how the crisp colors jump right out at you. It helps that whoever staged this room for the photograph knew exactly what they were doing, because the artwork and furniture suit this bedding perfectly. That's a bedroom I could spend my time in.

I couldn't resist but to add in a good ol' fashioned quilt for my Etsy find. Who doesn't love a nice, warm quilt? Quilts aren't particularly my style for the bedroom, but I love to have them out in my living room to use as throws for when I'm piled up on the couch watching TV. Ahhhh! There are so many handmade quilts on Etsy, that quilts has it's own category with about a billion selections. I looked through about a million of them, and WOW, there are some talented people out there. I finally picked Quiltville's shop, because I loved every single quilt in the store. When it came time to pick one quilt to display here, I pretty much closed my eyes and clicked on this Figgy Pudding Patch Quilt. Love the name. Love the colors.

Happy day before the day before Friday,

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Thirteen Weeks

It has begun, the last week of my first trimester. Ahhhh!! I can hear choirs of angels singing already. One thing I distinctly remember about my pregnancy with Will, is that when I hit the second trimester, something flipped inside me and I began to feel like a new person. I started feeling like myself again. And while the morning/all day sickness has definitely subsided for me now, I'm still experiencing the dreaded first trimester exhaustion and sleepiness. Some days, it's a real fight to stay awake sitting here at my desk. I think I may have even mastered sleeping with my eyes open, because there are small chunks of the day I seem to lose from time to time. I take full advantage of the weekends when I am able to nap though, and proved my point by sleeping almost 4 hours on Sunday. I don't feel the least bit guilty either. It was fantastic!

So, I got the email from the pregnancy folks for this week, and I must say, I'm a bit confused. Maybe it's just placenta dementia taking over my brain again, but in my world, a medium shrimp is smaller, not bigger, than a lime. The pregnancy gurus say that the baby is the size of a medium shrimp this week and I just can't wrap my head around that being bigger than a lime. Maybe they are only going by length here with all these fetus/food comparisons? Here's a visual. You be the judge.

Call me crazy, (a lot of people have), but I don't see it. That shrimp looks shrimper than the lime. Just sayin'. I think the pregnancy folks are really grasping at straws for good fetus to food comparisons these days. I really thought I would have a lemon in there this week since I had a lime last week. Better luck next time!

And now for the email of the week. The email for the LAST week of the 1st trimester. *cheers and applause*

How your baby's growing:

Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Push It

I visited my OB for my 12 week check up yesterday, and I must say, I learned a lot. The first thing I learned is that a pregnant woman should never go to a one o'clock Dr's appointment thinking, "Eh, I'll just eat lunch when I get back." Bad. Very, very bad. After sitting in the waiting room for 50 minutes and eating (not chewing) about 4 pieces of gum, my stomach was growling so loud that people were starting to stare and point. Okay, not really, but it was coming to that, I swear it.

The nurse finally called me back and started going over my history and asking tons of questions about my symptoms and lifestyle. "Do you exercise? Do you eat raw meat? Does your job require you to jump out of tall buildings?" I was this close to saying, "Look lady, I don't smoke cigarettes, drink or do cocaine, can we just hurry this up so I can go bury my face in a cheeseburger?" when she finally wrapped things up and took me back to see my doctor.

He came in right away and I sprung it on him, "I don't want another c-section. I want to do a VBAC this time. Is this something you would be willing to do?" It came out so fast and matter of factly, I was surprised I said it. I held my breath and waited for him to tell me I was crazy and throw me out of there so that I could go get some lunch. Surprisingly, that's not what happened at all though. We discussed the reason I had to have a c-section the last time, and he agreed that I would be a good candidate for VBAC. *Exhale* He said as long as I am aware of the potential risks, he is 100% supportive of my choice to try and deliver vaginally this time around. He also informed me that he has "done a ton of VBACs" so that put my mind at ease as well. We talked about my birth plan and how I would be opting out of Pitocin or pain meds for my next delivery. I got a bit of a strange look from him when I said that I wouldn't be getting an epidural this time around, but this may have been due to my stomach growling so loud, he thought a dog had snuck in the room. He pulled out the doppler and checked the little lime's heartbeat and sent me on my way for bloodwork. Note to self: always eat something before getting 4 viles of blood drawn. It was brutal. I think I may have knocked over a couple of pregnant ladies on my rush out of the office, because all I could think is, "There's a Chick-Fil-A right across the street! MUST.GET.THERE.IMMEDIATELY." I devoured my fries so fast on the drive back to work, I about choked myself. It was totally worth it though.

So, there you have it, I get to try and deliver vaginally this time and I won't have to change doctors. And, I have a new found understanding for the need to eat lunch every day at the same exact time. My body just isn't equipped for a deviation from the plan.

Happy weekend!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Wednesday Wish List

I'm going to start by explaining myself. Will was sick yesterday, so I was at home with him wiping a green, snotty nose all day. As gross and disgusting as that may sound, I eat up every moment I have with that kid, so it actually wasn't so bad. Snotty nose or not, time with him is good time. I say all that to say this, the list today is a list of randoms. I just couldn't manage to pull together a more streamlined shopping list with all the work I had staring at me from my desk this morning. As crazy as it may sound, I actually have to do stuff here at my job (besides putting together delicious wish lists) to get paid.

So here it is. My scattered, but still, worthy wish list. Enjoy!

I'm not so sure about the name of these I Love Me Heart Mirrors since narcissism kind of turns me off, but I adore the look and design of these enough to overlook this one small detail.

I haven't had a home phone in ages. In our day and age, I think there are a lot of people like me who just use their cell phone as their home phone. But if I did have the need for a home phone, I would want one like this red and ivory vintage telly. I just think it's so sleek and I love the color. Who cares if it's rotary? That would just take me back to my childhood when my MawMaw had an old rotary phone.

When we do drink wine, we never keep it in the house long enough to actually store it in a wine rack. I've always loved wine racks though, and I love the modern feel of this white metal circular rack. Maybe I could just buy it and fill it with empty wine bottles? Or is that against the rules? I know how strict these wine purists can get, and I'd hate to break some kind of carnal wine sin.

Brace yourself for this next one. Not only is this Cloud Chair pretty much the most cozy looking chair I've ever seen, but the picture complete with Cutest Little Girl Ever will make you want to buy it just in the hopes that some sweet child will fall asleep in it and you can take their picture. At least that's what it does to me. But, I'm pregnant and hormonal, so I'm really not operating on the same level as most normal folks out there. Still, this chair is amazing!

And for the Etsy find of the week, I decided to include one of my old favorites from Element Clay Studio. This seller is one of the first I ever looked at on Etsy, which helps to explain why I became obsessed with the site so quickly. Every hand made item in this store makes me drool, but this blue urchin bowl has always been my favorite. One day, it will be mine.

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Twelve Weeks

I decided that each Tuesday, I would post the email update from the pregnancy folks as to how the baby is growing. It's just too interesting not to share. Last week, I had a fig. This week, it's a lime. Quite a jump for seven days, don't you think?

Also, I noticed that though last week the email referred to the baby as "she," this week, they refer to it as "he." Maybe they split it up week to week to keep us guessing? Either way, here is the email for this week. Things are really starting to shape up in there.

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

And here's a picture of what the little lime may look like at this point. I can't wait for my next ultrasound.


Monday, July 6, 2009

Growing Up

Will is going to be two and a half years old this month. TWO AND A HALF YEARS OLD. Just typing it, just saying it in my head, realizing the truth and weight of it all, makes my throat close up a little and my eyes start to burn. He is and will always be my baby. Not time, or new babies, or any force of nature will ever change that. Having a new one on the way, makes me yearn to cement that into his little head somehow. Now that there is going to be another person in our family, I want to insure that Will knows without a shadow of a doubt that my love for him will only get bigger as our lives get longer.

I'm watching him grow up and turn into this actual person with his own thoughts and opinions, and it makes me happy and sad simultaneously. He can say to me, "I'm happy," which fills my heart so full, I can almost feel it bursting out of my chest. At the same time, I recall the days when he could only make those sweet little baby sounds, when even the smallest peep or coo from his mouth would make me run to get Rob and be all, "Listen honey, he made noise!" I want to hold on to that feeling. I want to have the same excitement about every thing he says and does now, and I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bum me out somewhat that it's becoming more commonplace these days.

The beauty of it all, is that I still marvel in him. Every day, he surprises me. Every day, he makes me smile. Every day, I look at him and am amazed and humbled that I had something to do with this extraordinary person. I already have enough wonderful memories with him to last a lifetime. And looking back at his life, at our life together as a family, reaffirms that being a mom is what I was meant for. Yes, my life was lovely before, but this, this right here, is why I am. It may sound cliche, and it may sound all sentimental and wishy washy, but it is what it is. And it's the truth.

Happy Monday.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wednesday Wish List

Don't you just love short work weeks? Today is Wednesday, but it might as well be Thursday, because tomorrow is our Friday since it's the last work day of the week. Have I sufficiently confused you yet? My sincere apologies. Sometimes I only make sense to myself. It's an illness.

For today's list, I decided to go with lighting. Because, well, have you seen the lighting out there lately? It's gorgeous! I had a really hard time narrowing down this list, because there are just SO many beautiful things to chose from. Here we go...

I adore this Coral Pendant from Le Souk, because I can just imagine the beautiful shadows and patterns it would cast on the ceilings and walls. I would love to see this hanging over my new dining room table in my new house. Dreams do come true, you know.

This Cluster Light from Rockett St. George is just divine! LOVE, love, love it. Did I mention that I love this light? Just making sure. The design is sleek and simple, and it reminds me of white dishware, which is why it would be perfect in my new kitchen.

How cool and cute are these Candela lights from Twig? They are portable and rechargeable which is super convenient. I just love smart design. You could move these babies from room to room and there is no need to buy new bulbs. Brilliant!

This Lights Up Deco Pendant from 2Modern is available in many different patterns and comes in linen or silk. There isn't one of them that I wouldn't love to have, but this pattern and the Red Mum really do it for me. They are all just gorgeous.

And for the Etsy find of the week, I bring you the Speed of Light lamp. I don't know why I'm so drawn to this. Could be because it's so retro and funky, but I'm leaning more toward the fact that I spent the better part of my childhood on roller skates and this just brings me back. The seller, Litterlamps85, has several different groovy lamps to chose from including one made from a vintage rotary telephone. Too cool for school.

Happy Wednesday! (or Thursday if you're off on Friday) See, I did it again! I can't be stopped.