Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Coming out of Hiding

I admit, I kind of just threw that pregnancy test up on my blog and bolted. No explanation, no celebrating, no details. Truth is, I had to let it sink in for a while. I had to let it process and resonate. Sometimes, I still don't believe it, but I've got the test and a sick stomach to prove it. I took the test last Wednesday. I hadn't started and since my cycle is as dependable as the sun rising and setting, I knew something was up.

Come Wednesday, I couldn't stand it one moment longer, so I made up some lame excuse to Rob, told him that I needed to run by the drugstore at lunch, and suggested that he just wait in the car while I did my shopping. We arrived back to work, I sprinted to the bathroom and tore into the package while trying to hold my pee back. I didn't need to read the instructions. Been here, done this. Lots. Without thinking about the repercussions, I realized that in my haste at the drugstore, I had picked the 5 minute test. Great! Now I was going to be locked in the office bathroom for 5 minutes staring at this test while everyone else wonders what the heck is going on in here.

About 15 seconds after my Hcg infested pee hit the stick, two bright, thick lines popped up on the test like flashing lights. I froze. My heart hit my stomach. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I smiled. I cried. I felt like I was cheating on Will, even though we had been planning this pregnancy and trying since December to no avail. Every possible emotion that could be experienced swept over me in a matter of minutes. Fear. Joy. Excitement. Sadness. More Joy. I blame the pregnancy horomones, but I know it's much more than that. We wanted this and we got it. We are going to be bringing someone new into our family. I'm going to be a mom again. Rob is going to be a dad again. Will is going to be a big brother. It just doesn't get much better than that.


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