More Love

I laid across from him in his big boy bed. It was so dark, I couldn't see him, but I could feel his tiny little hand as he stroked my arm trying to get to sleep. It was still and quiet, the only sound was the soothing hum of the fish tank that Daddy bought him for Christmas. Then he broke the silence.

"I love you, Mommy" out of the blue. There is no feeling better than that one. None. My heart immediately melted into a million pieces just like it does every other time he says those words.

"I love you too, buddy."

Silence again.

We don't make a habit out of laying with him to get him to sleep, but he had been really sick that night and he needed me there. And as sad as it made me that he wasn't feeling good, I really needed him at that moment too. I started thinking about how he would only be my "only" for a while longer. How that very soon there would be someone else to lay across from and care for when she's sick.

"How will I ever love another one as much as I do you?" I said it so loud inside my head that it might as well have been out loud. This is something that I have struggled with since finding out I was pregnant again. It has grown lately since I'm so close to holding another baby. Then almost as though he sensed it, Will said "Sis can come out now, Mommy. She's bigger."

Tears burned my eyes wondering how on earth my heart will ever hold enough love for the both of them.

I still don't know, but I hope to find out soon.