Eleven Weeks

Each Tuesday begins a new week in my pregnancy, and today happens to start week 11. There are all sorts of services you can sign up for when you're pregnant that send you daily and/or weekly email updates about what you can expect along the way. They range anywhere from talk about sore breasts, to constipation, to maternity wear, to "DON'T EAT THAT, IT WILL KILL THE BABY!" Things can get really intense in these "supportive" emails. My favorite of the emails I receive in this slew of correspondence from the pregnancy folks, is the weekly update I get in regards to the baby's development. I read them and am amazed at what is taking place in my body. This week, I have a fig in my uterus. Well, not an actual fig, but a person the size of a fig. Wow! Here is the update from this week. Pretty cool stuff if I say so myself.

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.

She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

And they even provide a picture of what your baby looks like this week, which makes it seem all the more real. Just take a look at my little fig.


Till tomorrow...
L

Pregnancy Dreams

There are lots of weird things that happen to a woman's body during pregnancy, but one of the most interesting and unexpected is how your dreams become these crazy, vivid, bizarre happenings each night. Even before I became pregnant, I was always the kind of person who could remember lots of details about my dreams. Now that another person is taking over my body, I remember ALL the details.

For instance, last night I had a dream that we invited some friends over for dinner. I had these two small two-person tables set up in the middle of my dining room. Each table had gorgeous light blue turquoise table cloths covering them and I had the four chairs draped with wispy white chair covers. Delicate white and silver china sat at each place setting, and a clear vase of white hydrangeas was the centerpiece on each table. We were cooking beef tenderloin with burgundy sauce, roasted asparagus and red potatoes. Sound like a lovely, normal dream, right? Just you wait.

When our guests arrived (enter Sam and Lindsey), I could tell that Lindsey was upset with me. She was acting strange and I couldn't figure out why. I blew it off, and went into the kitchen to get drinks for everyone. When I came back in the dining room, carrying the tray full of drinks, Lindsey pulled out a revolver and shot me. She shot me, but it didn't hurt. I dropped the tray of drinks as she shot me a few more times. Still no pain or blood. It was then we realized that Sam had switched out the bullets in her gun with blanks. She became angered by this and stormed off to the other room, as we continued to chat like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. I started to smell smoke, went into our bedroom and found that she had set our curtains on fire and they were quickly going up in flames. I put it out before the fire engulfed the wall. By this point in the evening, I was pretty confused as to what was going on (because apparently inviting house guests over just to have them shoot at you and set your house on fire is out of the ordinary), so I asked her had I done something to make her mad. She said, "Well, do you remember doing THIS?" and turned around to lift her hair, revealing a small tattoo on the back of her neck. I couldn't tell what it was, so I moved in closer and realized it was my name. It was my name tattooed on the back of her neck. I had tattooed my name on the back of her neck while she was sleeping. Ummm, yeah. Sorry about that, Lindsey. I promise I only tattoo people inappropriately while they're sleeping with their written permission and full consent.

Pregnancy dreams=insane.

Happy weekend,
L

Wednesday Wish List

Guess what? Today is Wednesday. And I know that today is Wednesday. I know what day of the week it is! Score! I like to celebrate even the smallest victories.

Today's wish list is full of beautiful decorative pillows. I adore throw pillows, but I look at these, picture smeared Cheetos and dribbled juice all over them, and I decide maybe I should wait until my children are old enough to fully understand threats before I go buying a bunch of these beauties. So, basically if you don't have kids or your kids are old enough to grasp statements like, "If you even think about getting close to that pillow with you're grubby little hands...." you should totally buy these and I'll just have to live with major pillow envy.

This love bird pillow from Le Souk is delicate and kind of creepy at the same time. Maybe this feeling stems from me being a bit frightened of birds in the first place, but does it look to you like the two birds in the middle are the actual "love birds" and the surrounding birds are just staring at them in jealousy? Like there is some love bird drama going on here possibly? Like maybe the other birds want to pounce the two love birds in a fit of rage? No? Yeah, then I'm just a real freak about birds. None the less, I still love this pillow and all it's bird weirdness. I love the color and felt detail on this symmetry pillow from Horne. Not only do I love the materials of this pillow and imagine it being very soft and comfy, it also doesn't have any frightening flying animals on it, which is always a plus.



Okay, now this linen turtle pillow features a sweet little animal that doesn't scare me. I love, love, love turtles. They are so deliberate and careful. This pillow is modern and crisp. It doesn't exactly match anything in my house, but I could totally just buy this pillow and decorate around it.



This silk tree bomb pillow at Huset is delicate and dainty. You have to keep the chocolate milk far away from this one, folks. Because, despite what Billy Mays says, OxiClean does not remove everything. It's one of life's major injustices.
And as always, rounding out the list, is an Etsy find from Laura Davis' shop. This dainty pillow is made from vintage bed sheets and it's hand embroidered. What's not to love? The saying is what really got me though, "If you lived here, you'd be home now." This quote is used in one of my all time favorite movies, Girl Interrupted and I immediately thought of crazy Daisy Randone and her "eat in chicken" when I saw it. I'm very drawn to this pillow for that reason. I might have to buy it and just hide it from Will and his sticky fingers.




Until tomorrow....which is Thursday by the way!

Cheers,
L

My Dad

Father's Day has come and gone, but although I'm late, I didn't want to let the opportunity pass without saying something about my dad. Simply because he's too special not to mention.

I read a quote from Clarence Kelland last week, "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it." That statement really resonated with me, because though I never really thought about it in this way, this is exactly how I feel about my dad. He didn't preach to me or really even instruct me as to how to become a great person, he lived his life as a great person and I saw him do it every day. He showed me what it means to be strong and soft at the same time. From him, I learned how to face adversity and heart ache with grace and dignity. He taught me that family is the cornerstone in our lives, a compass for those times we get lost to steer us back home. Now that I'm a parent, I can see the gentle side of my father coming out in me when I relate to Will, and that makes me know I'm doing something right.

When I was three, my Pop's truck ran over my tiny little body in the driveway of his shop. I don't remember much about that day, except for my dad scooping me up in his arms and running me through the apple orchard to our house. I remember feeling so small in his arms. But, more importantly, I remember feeling safe. That feeling has continued throughout my life. I still feel safe and protected with my dad, and I know I always will.

I guess if I could wish for one thing as it relates to my father, it would be for people to see him when they see me. That my life will serve as a reflection of his. Because that's how amazing he is. To me, the best compliment I could receive is, "Wow, you're just like your dad."



Happy late Father's Day to all the dads out there that inspire this feeling in their children.

L

VBAC

Before I even became pregnant with this child, I knew I wanted to do VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or at least attempt to deliver vaginally. My c-section wasn't a great or easy experience for me to say the least. My recovery was long and painful. I had fluid build around my incision that had to be drawn out with a big scary needle. I had the worst gas of my life. And I know that might not sound too terrible, but this gas was akin to contractions. I cried and cried the night after my c-section, because my stomach hurt so badly. It was insane how much it hurt.

In addition to the physical recovery of a c-section, there was also a larger financial recovery. Having a c-section costs about 40% more than a vaginal delivery and we paid those bills for a long time. The other thing that always bothered me about Will's birth was the fluid that was in his little lungs after being born by cescerean. As you can read in this article, it's much more likely for babies who are born by section to have respitory problems after the delivery.

So, because of all of these factors and after careful consideration, I decided that VBAC would be something I would like to do. I have been reading, however, that many hospitals and OBs flat out refuse to attempt them. This was puzzling to me since all the research seems to indicate that the risk for repeat c-section is higher. I phoned my OBs office today only to discover that they fit into this "no VBAC" category. This upsets me and makes me a little angry honestly. I could understand if my Dr. looked at me and said, "Leslie, based upon your circumstances, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing a VBAC for these reasons." But to just say, "We don't care what your situation is, we're not even going to try and let you deliver vaginally" makes me crazy mad. Why? Can someone give me a reason? This is what I will be asking my Dr at the next visit. Because now I am faced with an impossible decision, either stay with the Dr. who I have been with since I was 18 years old and who delivered my last child and let him cut me open and remove my baby simply because it's his policy, or find someone else. If he won't do it, this is important enough to me to find someone who will. I am not going to put my body and my child through a potential risk just because an OB is not even willing to let me try to deliver the natural way. I mean, am I crazy here? How on earth did it come to this? With evidence and research out there screaming that repeat c-sections are much more of a risk to mothers and their babies, do we really have OBs out there unwilling to do VBACs?? I'm honestly baffled by this. If you know something I don't, please share.

L

Wednesday Wish List...(a day late)

If you don't believe that a fetus can suck the brain cells from unsuspecting pregnant women, I have proof that it is indeed a true and real phenomenon. I like to refer to it as placenta dementia. I think it has a nice ring to it, don't you? I'm considering contacting the medical community to get some recognition on this. I think it's the least they can do really.

But, I digress. I went through the entire day yesterday thinking that it was Tuesday. I had no reason to believe it was Tuesday. Our schedule is very different on Tuesday than it is on Wednesday. On Tuesdays, we work from 9 to 6. On Wednesdays, we work from 8 to 5. On Tuesdays, Will goes to Jenny's house during the day. On Wednesdays, he goes to daycare. So, one would think that I would have caught on to the fact that it was Wednesday when I had to wake up early and drop Will off at daycare. But no. I sat here all day long, thinking it was Tuesday and saying to myself, "Tomorrow I'll post this wish list." Duh. *blush* There has to be some type of medication for this disorder. This is another thing I'll mention in my letter to the experts.

So here it is, the Wednesday....errr....Thursday wish list. Enjoy!

I think this angel wall clock is about the sweetest, cutest, loveliest, (insert other nice adjectives here) clock I've ever seen. I want it. I don't know if Rob would let me have it, but I want it. Bad. Hint, hint, honey. I'm not one for subtlety.


I think this Rose Tabletop clock is just beautiful. It looks old and vintage, and reminds me of the style I would love for my home if I had free decorating reign. Then I remember that I live with two boys and give up that dream. My reality is way better than a clock anyway.


I would have a much easier time convincing Rob to put this Retro Clock in our house. Wood (rather than delicate white roses) is more his cup of tea.


I love the design of this Orange Albero clock. Will I ever spend $350 on a clock though? Ummm...no. Not unless I win the lottery. Though I think to win the lottery, you actually have to play it. Sigh.



And of course, a wish list wouldn't be complete without at least one Etsy find. Therefore, behold the Pendulum clock from UnCommon's Etsy store. There are lots of cool clocks in this store, but (after much deliberation) this is my fave. I love the design and the pale blue color.


I made this list yesterday, and I now realize that the clock that would best serve me is probably one that has the time AND day of the week on it. I'll be in search for one of those so that my wish list doesn't fall late again.

Almost the weekend....

L

Anger

I think of myself as a pretty calm and reasonable person. I am not someone who is quick to anger or short tempered by any means. Most of the time, I just go with the flow and feel like I have a pretty level and diplomatic head. Of course, I have my own personal beliefs and opinions on certain issues, but I pride myself in being respectful about the choices that others make for themselves even when our views don't necessary align alongside one anothers. In general, I guess I just happen to believe in the goodness of most people. I belong to the school of thought that the vast majority of the people out there are like me, just doing their best and trying to get it right as they go. We all make mistakes. Not one of us is perfect. But, I honestly believe that we are trying, scraping, struggling, fighting to do the right thing every day. I believe in the goodness of people.

So, when I read something like this, the anger starts to swell inside me. As I read the article while eating my morning bowl of Cheerios, I literally felt the heat rising in my face. I felt a sickness setting into my stomach. I felt sad. I felt disgusted. And there was the anger again. I guess I've been a bit naive, because I honestly didn't know/realize that abortions of this caliber are legal in the US. I think about how active Will was in my belly by the end of the second trimester and the beginning on the third. He was a person then. He had his own personality already. He was as stubborn to move once he got into a comfortable spot then as he is now at 2 & 1/2 years old. He had hiccups. He stretched his little arms and flexed his toes and sucked his thumb. He yawned. His heart beat faster than mine ever will. And that, I suppose, is why I feel such a deep sense of loss, sadness, and unbridled rage when I hear that a doctor in this county is willing to dismember a child who already has their own beautiful and unique qualities. That a physician who took an oath to "first do no harm" would nonchaulantly talk about how he supposes the babies were still alive as he was pulling their limbs apart, because "I can see the fetal heartbeat on the ultrasound."

I can't even say anymore. I have been shaking my head over this all day.

L

I Want My Daddy!

This is Will's new favorite thing to say. It comes out of his mouth at least 57 times a day. If he needs a diaper change, "I want my daddy!" Someone to open his granola bar, "I want my daddy!" Put his shoes on, "I want my daddy!" Get him out of bed in the morning, "I want my daddy!" The list goes on. He's been doing this for a few days now, and as much as I'd love to just take advantage of not having to change dirty diapers or get out of bed in the morning to go get him from his crib, the truth is, it hurts my feelings a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I am overjoyed that Will loves his daddy. I love that they have a close bond and that he is so attached to him. He has fun with Rob. He knows that he can depend on him. His daddy is capable of helping him with whatever he needs. That makes me happy. That makes me proud. However, the mom in me just wants to say him, "Hey kid, I pushed you out of my vagina! I think I can put your sock on!" Okay, so maybe that's not entirely accurate since I had a c-section, but still, he was there, in my stomach, kicking around like a kangaroo. Maybe something like, "Hey kid, I had you pulled from a big gaping hole in my stomach!" would be more appropriate? Though, that might give him terrible nightmares, at which point he would wake up screaming, "I WANT MY DADDY!!" And I'd only have myself to blame.

Happy weekend!
L

Wednesday Wish List

I can't believe it's Wednesday. This week has been so long, I could swear it's Sunday and time to get ready for church. I had a terrible day on Monday and ended up going to my OB, because I felt so sick. Erring on the side of caution, he gave me another ultrasound and I was able to see the little bean hanging out in there, heart just a' fluttering. It was as amazing the second time as it was the first and Rob was with me at this visit, so it was extra special since he got to share it with me. I was riding high after that appointment, and then I got put back in my place last night with a terrible head cold. I've lost count as to how many times I've blown my nose today, but I can tell you this, if nose blowing could kill someone, I would be out tombstone shopping right now. Since, to my knowledge, you can't die of a runny nose, I sucked it up and went online shopping for the Wednesday Wish List instead. I have to say, it was a lot more fun than picking out a tombstone.

The list today consists of vases. It's summer time and there are a plethora of beautiful flowers out there waiting to be assembled in beautiful vases. Here are some of my faves.

These Cameron Silhouette Face vases are modern and fun. Maybe a bit on the freaky side too, but I still like em. Is it just me, or do they look like they might attack each other? Or maybe make out? Are they in love? Do they know each other? These are the things you consider when your body is flooded with hormones and being pregnant takes over your sensibilities. It's known as preggo brain. Don't laugh. It can happen to you.

These Porcelain Hay vases by Anne Black are handmade, which means each one is unique. I love that the design on each vase is made from a silkscreen print. That's talent. I would love to see this designer in action.



This black and white floral vase from LAMA is so simple, but I think that's the beauty of it. It's got a hip and funky quality to it as well. I just love it. Don't stare at it too long though. It kind of starts to become an optical illusion. Or maybe, I've just taken too much Claritin.

How sweet and delicate is this Little Birdie...All Alone vase?? Red Hot Pottery's Etsy shop has many beautiful designs, so it was hard to pick just one. Vases this pretty don't even need flowers.


Last but not least, is this long wall vase in turquoise. Not only do I adore turquoise, but I like the idea of flowers hanging on the wall. It's fun. It's cool. It's different.



Well, that wraps things up for today. I'm going to go look for my nose now. I think it fell off in that last Kleenex.

Signed,
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Eight

Today marks the start of week eight in my pregnancy, which means I have six more weeks until the first trimester is over. "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can." I've found myself saying this over and over again lately. It's my first trimester mantra. This pregnancy has been much harder than my last one. And by harder, I mean, if I had gone through this in my first pregnancy, Will would be an only child. With him, everything was a breeze. I had the occasional sick tummy, but I never threw up. All in all, I felt really good. I was tired, but it was manageable. Back then, I didn't have another child to care for and I could go to bed at 7:30pm if my body told me to. I could pull my car over in a church parking lot on the drive home from work and take a little power nap if need be. This time, however, I don't really have that luxury. I have responsibilities. Dinner still has to be made. Will still needs a bath. Dinosaur puzzles need to be put together. Trucks have to be raced. Bedtime stories need to be read. And no, four books is not enough, Mommy! "I find another book." Insert pure exhaustion.

I will say this though, I'm very lucky to have a husband who helps A LOT. And the wonderful thing about Rob is that he doesn't look at it as though he's helping me. He looks at it as part of his duties as an equal parent in our household and he just does his share. He cooks, he cleans, he changes diapers, he sings penguin songs to Will every night. He's my hero. I've listened to so many of my friends talk about how their husbands won't help them around the house, and don't really participate with their kids. This makes me sad, because it does seem as though some men out there really still look at this whole parenthood thing as something that the woman should be in charge of. And if she happens to ask for help, there's a lot of moaning and sighing and acting as though you're putting him out. I love that Rob fits into the category of men who actually want to be a part of the process. And, of course, there are times when Will walks out and says, "I went poo poo," and Rob and I rush to yell, "NOT IT!" but all in all, we're in this thing together. That makes me know that having another child with him is not only okay, it's incredible.

L

Wednesday Wish List

It's amazing how much longer the week seems when you spend the majority of it trying to will yourself not to puke. It's been a rough one, to say the least, so putting together today's list was a fun departure from the norm. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: This list is another list of randoms. Focusing too hard on one particular thing makes me nauseated, so I'm all over the place in an effort to keep my breakfast down. My apologies.

I'm going to have to blame my hormones for this first pick, because there is absolutely no reason for me to want a mug. I don't drink coffee or tea or any kind of mug beverage, but this Strawberry Crush mug almost makes me want to. If for no other reason but to bring it in to work and look all cute sipping out of it. A girl can dream.


I love sitting outside on the porch in the summer time, but I hate having to turn the porch light on. Bugs swarming around head does not equate to relaxing in my book. So, I think a couple of these Kilner Sun Jars would be the perfect addition to any porch. You can enjoy the nice soft glow of the light without have to swat at your ankles. Sign me up.


I had something similar to this product on my Mother's Day list, but I really prefer this Egg Sprout kit, because you get more for your money and it's just cuter. (Sorry UnCommon Goods, but I speak the truth.) I really would love one of these for my desk.


I have been wearing the same necklace for the past 10 years almost. I bought it for myself on the eve of the Millennium, because I was going through a lot and I wanted to make a statement. The necklace says, "Never Look Back" and I never take it off. I am ready for a change though, because well, I've changed. I think this Cherish Your Children necklace is just what I need to replace my beloved charm.



And rounding out today's list is an adorable set of bowls from Urban Outfitters. I adore the color of these graphic Eiffel Tower bowls. They are so crisp and dainty. I can just picture myself eating my cereal from these each morning. Ahhhhh!


Hold on tight. T-minus 2 days till the weekend can begin.

L

Second Time for Everything

A few months back, I saw an advertisement at my gym for a research study through Vanderbilt. They are recruiting participants who are actively trying to conceive or are up to 9 weeks pregnant. I did some research on the research study, and decided it was something I was interested in doing. Basically, you answer questions about your pregnancy, your diet, your exercise, your sleeping habits, etc., and they provide free pregnancy tests, ultrasounds and monetary compensation along with gift cards that can be used for the new baby. Plus, you get the satisfaction that you are helping in some small way by allowing these Dr's to delve into your pregnancy and the outcome. Pretty awesome stuff all around.

I've had a couple of phone interviews in the past couple months and now that I'm pregnant, today was my first visit to them for an early ultrasound in the 6th week. I'm 6 weeks 6 days today, so we just barely squeaked it in before the 7th week starts. Unfortunately, it was a trans-vaginal ultrasound, which if you aren't familiar with, is exactly what it sounds like. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world, but hey, neither are contractions, so I think all of this is designed on purpose to build up your tolerance to pain and awkwardness before you get to the finish line. I just know it's part of the divine plan.

I sat down with a very nice lady who asked me several questions about how I have been feeling with this pregnancy. She was checking boxes off as I answered the questions, so I'm hoping there were boxes labeled "LIKE ABSOLUTE CRAP", "TOO CONSTIPATED TO SIT DOWN", and "SLEEPS WITH EYES OPEN." She couldn't really give me any advice on how to curb my morning/all day sickness and nausea, but I figured since my Dr. isn't really offering any great solutions, I wouldn't find much help here either.

What they were able to give me, however, was the first glimpse of my baby. I stared at the screen intently, searching for the heartbeat. She zoomed in. I couldn't see it. Zoomed some more. Wait, there it is! Beating like crazy. Beating strong and fast. I exhaled and felt a wave of relief wash over me. She told me the heart beat is at 139 beats per minute and that everything looks good. It's all really happening now. You would think I would have realized this when I'm losing my Raisin Bran in the toilet, but there's nothing like seeing the pitter patter of that heartbeat to really seal the deal.

Wonderful.


Have a great week!
L